Toasting the Muffin- Sex For One: Why is Female Masturbation Still Taboo?

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A Post Secret Admission (why so secret?)

Let me first start off this blog (as you’ve read the title and already understand what it’s going to be about) by saying that I was raised by a guilty Catholic mother. And, in such households, there are certain things you don’t talk about. Masturbating would be at the very top of that list. You start growing hair on your palms and go blind, and shit like that…and god said it was definitely on the sinning end of things. I think sex was a more acceptable topic than sex for one.

To this day, I don’t think I could sit through an awkward flash of the “m” word around my mother, and I’m still not keen on her knowing that I have sex- even though it’s an absolute given. Those are just things I’ve never been comfortable discussing with my moms, and I assume the same with her. I have less of a problem discussing sex with my sisters, who are both pretty open to whatever, while- I’m still not convinced I like the idea of my youngest brother as a sexual being. I’m still in the camp that if any girl gets within “hand-holding” range of my brother, I am liable to beat them with a baseball bat.

People are raised to believe that certain things just shouldn’t be talked about. I wouldn’t necessarily say I was raised to believe that auto-eroticism was wrong, or shameful. I was never told, per se, not to do it. I never had to be told, I guess…Still, I was always under the impression it was a grave secret that I should never talk about with anyone; something I should take with me to the grave, lest I be accused of putting my fingers “down there”.

A lot of it is totally ridiculous, really. I don’t know if there’s really anyone who doesn’t masturbate…and if they don’t I imagine they’re completely repressed, and probably really fucking cranky. It’s like having a cup of tea at breakfast or brushing your teeth. It’s completely healthy, and normal- and we’re now coming upon information that even infants know where the “goods” are. Infants!

And, men…they talk about it all the time. It’s a never-ending thing. Sure, part of it is probably them just looking for excuses to talk about their peens. But, I sense, too, that society fully and entirely accepts male masturbation as “the norm”. It’s funny, it’s “manly”, and it’s completely acceptable. Despite the fact that it is a pasttime, well-loved by both sexes…broads masturbating is still not an acceptable conversation piece for the general population.

Blame it on sexism, oppression, whatever. I think that is a lot of rhetoric that needs to be canned. I think the farther we deviate from the “victimhood if you are the proud owner of a vagina” camp, the better off we’ll be. Doesn’t mean that shit like this shouldn’t be talked about. In fact, I think it should be talked about, as much as is permissible.

I look back on past sexual experiences for guidance in the quest for “why?”. That guy who was threatened by your vibrator, or the fact that you were rubbing one off during the act to help the process along, comes to mind. There are ideas being perpetuated by three forces, which I feel are in part, to blame for this kind of attitude:

1) The porn industry and the “manly man” camp, whose attitude is that you should be able to get a woman off, strictly through vaginal penetration, no matter her anatomy– if you are really a man.

2) The media and women who perpetuate this theory. These womens’ expectations for multiple orgasms and a Peter North finish are absolutely unrealistic, and I believe are perpetuated by the attitude (often passed off as a feminist attitude) that suggests men should be taking the reins and making these orgasms appear out of thin air, if not for anything except that they ignored the female orgasm for so long. This, coupled with the fact that not every woman can get off in ten minutes- has created such an illusion for women, and put good men who are interested in pleasing us- between a rock and a hard place.

3) Lastly, the camp of men who are still ignoring the female orgasm. I haven’t hopped in bed with one, thank god. But, I know they’re out there.

So, why is female masturbation still taboo? We can’t exactly blame it on men. With the exception of Cyndi Lauper and Sex in the City- where does the conversation manifest? It doesn’t get discussed on girl’s nights out, or in Salons. Unless they’re “feminist” or nymphomaniacal, women are extremely reluctant to talk about it. Women deny it. Still. Even after they went out and bought a rabbit and a silver bullet, they still kept hush about it. Perhaps, it’s a reluctance to push it in people’s faces- and, I agree that it’s important not to do so. Or, still perhaps it’s that talk of masturbation has always been a man thing, and we have not carved out a notch that is our own.

Despite it’s continued absence from racy, drunken conversation- I think it’s getting out there: women like sex. Every contemporary, cable-watching woman knows what the “rabbit” is, and I’d say better than half own a vibrator. I’m suggesting we may just see a shift in our sexual requirements and responsibilities, as well as a populous who is less frigid and afraid to talk about normal human functions.

And, now for a great list of girly masturbatory slang:

Flicking the bean

Vibrating the vadge

Double clicking the mouse

Tickling your fancy

Declaring your independence

The old finger bang

Dialing the pink telephone

Bashing the gash

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Tags: bashing the gash, dialing the pink telephone, double clicking the mouse, female, female masturbation, feminism, flicking the bean, girl talk, guilty catholic, masturbation, sex, sex blog, sex blogging, sex for one, the old finger bang, vadge, vagina, vagina monologue